Product Reviews

Having read these in many a blog, I have decided to venture out into this as yet uncharted blogging territory: the product review.

Why product reviews you ask?

Let's just say I am a somewhat enthusiastic person. Spastic and hyperactive may be used interchangeably here. When I really, really like something or really, really don't, I, instead of calmly proceeding with life, must tackle the next acquaintance, corner them for a set period of time, and unload my burden of excitement on their unsuspecting shoulders. I then calmly walk away after my effusive release, leaving my victim, I mean, friend to contemplate the wonders of the Bullet blender or my new slew of facts on women's health care in Africa.

So here you are victim, I mean friend:)

Guittard Dark Chocolate Chips



I know, chocolate right? How could this not be a good thing? Well, look closely at the bag: DARK CHOCOLATE a.k.a. a health food (moderation people). My comfort food every afternoon has now become a ripe banana dipped in this melted bliss of darkness. Believe me, I have sampled other chips, but none compare to these wee bites. I mistakenly grabbed Ghiradelli dark chocolate chips the other day, belch!!! Weird aftertaste! Maybe they will be fine in a cookie or something, but when you only have a two ingredient snack, both ingredients need to pull their weight and these chips have mega horsepower.


Everyday Italian



Do you love Italian food? I mean do you looooove it like I do? Then buy this book for your reference library. Giada has stripped down recipes to essentials making them very accessible to use everyday (hence the title) from any grocery store. I could eat her white bean dip every single day. Try mixing in some roasted garlic and fresh thyme with it. See? That's why her book rocks. You get the basic (which is good) and can easily add and change to your taste. Also, her turkey meatballs are deeeelish!



Lilash-eyelash extender




Let me preface this by saying, I was handed this bottle of what I believed to be overpriced snake oil. I very roughly followed the directions and...voila!!! It works! It really, really works! The bottle lasts about a year (assuming you only put it on a few times a week). I haven't replaced my bottle, but my eyelashes are longer than they were before I used Lilash. My hairdresser was the first to notice (oh Denise how I love thee) about 7-8 weeks into it.

Caution: it did make my eyelid sensitive so if you have sensitive skin already I would skip this all together).


Microplane Zester



I heart this piece of kitchen equipment. I want to grate everything with it: lemons, Parmesan, my feet...Ok too far. You get the point though. If you don't own one, hock up the fourteen bucks and treat yourself. You won't regret it.

Little Slugger

Ok, the video is from my camera so it's not the greatest, but, hey, I gotta start somewhere right?







So cute right? Did you catch the last few seconds where he was looking at the dog and stuck his hand inadvertently on the ball? Replay and watch the legs go airborne.

Funny Things

Lately at my house...

Wyatt has learned to hold the phone to his ear and say "aaoo."
- Unfortunately, he is not highly selective and says "aaoo" to dirty sneakers, fairy wands, and, if nothing is present, his hand.

Shelby went to the Houston Rodeo.
-She rode a mini-roller coaster w/ no fear.
-She rode a pony w/ no fear.
-She pet every goat in the petting zoo (of which there were many) w/ no fear.
-She licked the black asphalt w/ no fear.
Yes. You heard that right. She dropped a piece of slushie and ever the frugal frannie she felt the need to go down to all fours and LICK the pavement while my back was turned. Heaven forbid any slushie go to waste despite the GALLON left in her cup. Positive side: it made the hysterically laughing man next to us have a better day.

Shelby LOVES to "help" me cook
-Her latest concoction: Romano cheese, peeled raw garlic, and cream of tartar (b/c I let her have one of my 3 jars). And yes, she ate some. And loved it.

Wyatt is a developing "ham"
-When all eyes are on him and all mouths are smiling, he pulls out all the stops which includes putting objects on his head. Whatever is in his hand will do: books, balls, pieces of toast covered in peanut butter...And I must admit, it is pretty funny. Shelby especially loves the last one.

Preschool Photo or Group Mug Shot?

You decide

The Art of Eating a Cake

Step 1:
Assess maximum wind trajectory...



...from all angles. (*It is important to note that the assessment should not take so long that Cinderella's face begins to resemble the ghoulish and troubled sibling of a Willowtree figurine)



Step 2:
Blow. (*Another important note: This seemingly simple task must be done so that a. all the candles are blown out in one gust thereby saving yourself the shame of a still lit candle while simultaneously arousing doubts of your lung capacity and b. while ensuring total candle blowouts, there is no excess spitting created thereby rendering the cake inedible to the party goers)



Step 3:
Anticipate the delights of the sugary confection while simultaneously avoiding thoughts of the subsequent sugar coma.



Step 4:
Shove as much cake into your mouth as quickly as possible. Hey, it's like survivor over here at our house when the baked goods get whipped out. Shelby comes from a long and glorious line of sugar gluttons. (Just ask Mommy's suite mates who always puzzled over the rapidly diminishing York Peppermint Patties supply).




And that my friends is how a cake is properly eaten.

Ode to Target

by Shelley Landry

Target, my Target, with aisles so bright and wide
When I enter your shining doors, a smile I cannot hide.
Ipods, CDs, and movies for nine ninety-nine
I wonder where oh where could I find
Such a slew of objects to meet my every need
Like a screwdriver, crackers, and a life-sized steed?

“Stick to my list” becomes my mantra-
OOOO a new compilation of Frank Sinatra.
No, you don’t need a new chargeable flashlight
But what shall I do if day becomes night?
On that thought I should perhaps get a board game
Because staring at each other gets pretty lame.

OOOO a scrapbook…I’ve been meaning to start.
Just one more thing to slip in my cart.
Maybe a Starbucks Mocha since it’s in the store
What genius realized we all could use more.
Four dollars a pop- “Peanuts!” I say
Only one more item, and I’m on my way.

Oh wait, what’s this I see?
Storage bins on sale for one eighty three.
So dusty but, hark, Shout wipes ahead
While I’m here I need to clean the sheets on my bed
So…Ajax, Windex, gloves made of rubber
Clorox, Comet and a new pot scrubber
Wait, why am I on aisle seven…
Oh yes, the sheets, and Tide is only nine eleven.

My cart’s wheels squeak, and my mocha is gone,
And now, both the kids are starting to yawn.
Morning naps loom over my morning escape
And under my shoe is a smooshed grape.

Race walking to the newly opened checker
Beating the two cart lady, “Ha Sucker!”
Poor lady, it’s sad, can’t stick with her list
Man I bet her husband sure will be * (mad)
I pity her, really. It’s a pitiful sight
To observe this woman caught in her plight.
“She’s lost all control,” I silently judge
as her kids pigout on samples of fudge.

I sign my receipt and walk out the door
And feel the gentle bree- TWO SIXTY FOUR!!!
This cannot be right I steadfastly insist
And at this point I look at my list

Sadly, yes, the bill is true
And I didn’t get what I came for…

Diapers

Size two.

Cookie Competition

Recently, I went to my very first cookie exchange and was quite deeeeelighted. I left in something of a sugar coma with white powder trailing down my front. Good Times!

My babysitters dried up so my choices were A) bring my angels B) sit at home and stare at each other all morning.

While there, Shelby found a set of nativity rubber duckies. Yes, you read that correctly. Somewhere out there is a rubber ducky with a blue hoodie and a baby Jesus ducky strapped to her side. Hilarious!

I digress.

Meanwhile, while Shelby recreates the Nativity in bright yellow, Wyatt and Dexter (hostess with the mostess Whitney's baby) began that sweet baby ritual of discovering one another followed by the next sweet baby ritual of "Poke the other's eyes."




Our potential conversation:
Ha Ha! Look how cute!
Precious!
Oh, they are making friends!



Adorable!
They are wrestling
Boys will be boys



TAKE HIM OUT SON!



He he...I mean...uh...be gentle...

*Sigh*

In case, if any were wondering about the fate of the faithful feathered friends of Shelby, fear not! Our story ends with a beacon of light on my wickedly awesome mothering skills.

"Shelby, go put the ducks back where you got them."

Shelby instantly and silently obeys.

However, (I believe I mentioned my sugar coma) I failed to check on the state of Jesus and his gander gang and warned the hostess on my way out that they could potentially be found floating in the toilet .

Here is how she found them:




Hmmm. All her ducks in a row (can't help myself).

Must the the cookie I promised her.

Oh.

I mean.

My wickedly awesome mothering skills.

Dang.

I can only blame the sugar coma.