The Washington Post holds a yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meaning for common words. They made me laugh anyway.
Enjoy!
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight
you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a
flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while
drunk.
5. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which
you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
6. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
7. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
8. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up
after you are run over by a steamroller.
9. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
10. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
11. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing
adopted by proctologists.
12. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
15. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his
conversation with Yiddishisms.
16. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand):
The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto
the roof and gets stuck there.
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